Reconnecting with Yourself

“I don’t even know who I am,” is something I’ve heard many clients say throughout my years as a therapist. It can be so easy to lose connection with ourselves as we fulfill roles in jobs, relationships, families, etc. Because these roles are important, and because we often have multiple roles to fulfill at once, it is so easy to let our relationships with ourselves take a backseat while we focus time and energy on maintaining relationships with others and with the work we do in the world. If we have caretaking roles in our families and/or if our work involves helping others, it is even more likely we will get absorbed by those roles and will eventually stop doing things that we once loved or stop nourishing our connection to our own spirits.

The first step in finding your way back to yourself is to recognize that you’ve gotten a little lost. Sometimes this can be hard to recognize on your own, and you may not even realize it until someone who has known you at an earlier time in your life gives you feedback or reminds you about things that have been unique and defining characteristics of who you are. There are also some signs that might let you know you’ve strayed a little from your connection with yourself. Some of those signs are:

·       Feeling exhausted and/or burnt out

·       Having trouble making decisions

·       Feeling disconnected in relationships with others

·       Feeling “empty”

·       Feeling depressed

·       “Numbing out” with mindless and/or addictive behaviors

·       Feeling bored

·       Feeling irritable

·       Having a sense that life has no meaning

·       Not knowing what to do with down time or days off

So, how do you start finding your way back to yourself? Great question! You’re basically becoming a detective looking for clues and information that can lead you to the trail. Making lists and/or journaling can be a great place to start. Get a notebook or start taking some notes in your phone, and make space for several different lists. It can be helpful to make a separate list on each page so you can add to it as needed. Consider the following questions as springboards for your lists:

·       What are some of the things that make me happy/fulfilled/joyful?

·       What are some of the things that calm me?

·       What/who energizes me?

·       What/who drains me?

·       What inspires me and sparks my creativity?

·       What did I do for fun as a child? As a teenager? As a young adult?

·       How did I express myself as a child (words, physical affection or aggression, art, etc.)?

·       When I was a child what did I want to be when I grew up? How did I imagine my life?

·       What forms of creativity have I been drawn to (music, visual arts, writing,dance, etc.)?

·       What do I really like to do?

·       What are some of the ways I play?

·       How do I rest?

·       If I had a day off and could do anything, how would I spend it? A week? A month?

·       What do I believe about people, the world, religion, politics, etc.?

·       Who are some of the people I admire? Why?

·       What are my standards/dealbreakers in relationships? In jobs?

·       What do I value?

·       What is my style?

·       What are some of my favorite memories?

·       What are some of my regrets?

·       What are some of the things I believe about myself?

·       What are things others have said about me?

·       What are some of my favorite movies? Places? Books? Quotes? Foods?

·       What are some of the places I want to go?

·       What are some things I’ve always wanted to try?

·       What are some of my goals (short-term and long-term)?

·       Five years from now, when I look back at the past five years, what do I want to see?

If writing isn’t really your thing, spend some time reflecting on the questions and see what comes up. You can also talk to people who have known you throughout your life to start to get some reminders and information. Making collages can also be a great way to explore some of these aspects of yourself. However you choose to do it, approach it with curiosity and openness, and know that there are no “wrong” answers…this is just you gathering information about you!

March 6, 2025 update: this post inspired me to create and publish a list journal dedicated to reconnecting with yourself. The book is called, Your Own Front Door, and it contains 50 prompts designed to help you connect more deeply with yourself so that you can live more intentionally. For more information, click here.